PDX Urban Outdoorsman

     Some weeks ago I received a new pair of black Carhartt double knee work pants.  For those who do not know these are absolutely the the most durable pants known to mankind which makes them a highly sought after commodity here on the street.

     How many benches in downtown PDX do you think would have white taffy stuck to them?  There was one that I was able to find with my ass when I sat down.  Of course it was not a matter of just sitting and then wondering what was under my ass.  No.  I sat there for a good 30 to 45 minutes while my body heat softened the offending sugary substance so it would be firmly ground into the weave of the material.  Basically the taffy had become one with the pants leaving me with an oh so wonderful white spot on my flat ass.  Needless to say I felt like quite the dork.

     Since this episode I have fashioned what is known as a buttflap out of leather.  While this may not be what one would call a fashion statement it does one hell of a job protecting my flat ass from taffy among other things.

     I guess the one positive from this is you the reader are now aware of just what a buttflap is.  Feel free to thank me for the learning experience.

Sincerely,
Pdxurbanoutdoorsman

Initially I was told this acronym  stood for Transition Projects Incorporated but it turns out I was misinformed.  It really stands for Temporarily Penned In.

And now you know.

Sincerely,
Pdxurbanoutdoorsman

     Go to nearly any place where those living on the street congregate and you will eventually hear somebody telling of how their 1st Amendment rights have been violated.  Of course such accusations will almost always get plenty of attention.  Chances are those complaining do not have a clue as to what “Freedom of Speech” really means or the intent of those who penned these words.  Worry not though, I am here to shed some light on the issue.

     Freedom of Speech applies to a public space such as the sidewalk, town square and so on.  When on private property the owner decrees what speech will be deemed as acceptable.  An example of this would be when a guest at Julia West House is on the patio during DayWatch and one of the staff requests they stifle what could be referred to as coarse speech or leave.  Whether this be swearing or just plain cussing it is not acceptable within the walls of Julia West House and staff is within their rights to enforce such rules.  Another example would be if a guest at your own house decided to it would be a good idea to start telling other guests how much he/she hates you.

     I do not know if this is a function of living on the street or not.  Some in this situation perceive the entire world as their home and should be allowed to do as they please anytime, anywhere.  I have had this discussion with some who for one reason or another cannot or will not accept this simple line of reasoning.  One other thing I notice with these folks is one hell of a sense of entitlement.

     Whatever the case I have come to the conclusion these people in most cases are about as smart as a bag of hammers.  As usual if this makes me a bad person so be it.

Sincerely
Pdxurbanoutdoorsman

     Here in Portland is a place called Sisters of the Road Cafe which offers many services but it’s main attraction is is the Cafe.  Here is a quote from their site regarding the cafe and how it operates.

Meals at Sisters Of The Road cost $1.25 and can be paid for in many ways, including: cash, barter work and food stamps.  Meals are served with hospitality and a smile.  There is always a choice of at least two hot, delicious and nutritious entrees and always a vegetarian option.

      Recently they have run into the same problem many other service providers have experienced with IV drug users leaving used needles around and drug sales just outside the front door.  Their method for dealing with the problem is unique if not moronic.  Starting today they are closing their doors for a period of four weeks with the intent of holding a “customer forum” to figure out just how to fix the problem.  In a touchy feely way this sounds wonderful until you really examine this concept.

     I will break this down into just why I think they have chosen this way to deal with the problem.  I’m of the impression this choice was made to provide their customers a sense of “ownership”.  This ownership concept already exists with the ability to volunteer in a number of capacities.

     Exactly why the staff will not step up and deal with the problem is beyond logic if you ask me.  They are placing themselves into a position where they do not have to make any kind of decisions that could be seen as unpopular.  As best as I can see this makes them nothing more than food service workers.  If this is the case Sisters should hire from within the homeless population since there are many with food service experience who could do the job just as well if not better.

     How I would address the problem.
1. Those who have created the problem should be excluded from receiving services of ANY kind.  Not all are deserving of the help being provided.  There are plenty of other places to get a meal so nobody will starve.
2.  Make those who choose to sell infront of the Cafe uncomfortable through the use of either digital cameras or cameras mounted to the building.  The last thing a dealer wants is to be photographed.
3.  Start calling the police about drug sales.  Dealers and their customers will take their business elsewhere quickly.

     See how easy that was?  Three simple steps and they do not have to close their doors to the community they claim to be helping.

     Does this make me a genius?

Sincerely
Pdxurbanoutdoorsman

     I accepted long ago getting a good nights sleep is not something I can count on.  There are a good many things that often interrupt my slumber but the one that pisses me off to no end is assholes who think screwing with street people is a sport of some kind.  Even worse yet are the ones who do so without giving me a chance to retaliate.  Chances are this is done because they know If I should happen to get my hands on them I will strangle the life out of them all the while grinning and asking if their little game was worth what is now happening to them.

     At this time I am sleeping in an area close to the Vista Street Bridge a.k.a. Suicide Bridge.  I chose this are because it is away from the hassles of downtown and the only sound I have to deal with is the light rail which is easy enough to block out.

Suicide Bridge

Last night some assholes decided it would be fun to shoot roman candles at the guy sleeping waaaaaay down there.

     Needless to say I wish for death of the most heinous, time consuming, and painful variety upon these turds of humanity.  If this should make me a bad person so be it.

Sincerely,
Pdxurbanoutdoorsman

I have never done it but if I was going to it would have to be in such a way that would either entertain or provide a service.  As far as entertainment is concerned I’m at a loss for just what I would do but I do have a couple of ideas for something that would provide a service.

Idea #1
I would do this at the end of the business work day when you see people leaving the office towers carrying all the stress of the day home to their innocent family.  What I would do is to suffer the verbal abuse of strangers for cash so they would not have to take that anger home to a wife/husband and kids who are not responsible for it.  I would do this because I am utterly selfless and ALWAYS thinking of others.
Yeah right.

Idea #2
Before explaining this one you must understand that it should be illegal for me to sing in a public place.  What I would do is sing something like the theme to “Green Acres” at the top of my lungs.  Oh yes, I would sing both parts.  While doing this I would hold a sign telling people I will stop singing for cash.  How long I stop is open to my interpretation.  What is truely sad about this one is I really do know all the words to that damn song.

Is it wrong of me to consider such a thing?
Like I really care.

Sincerely,
Pdxurbanoutdoorsman

     A little over a year ago there was a huge flap about bicyclists wanting their right addressed.  The problem was cyclists did not feel safe riding on the streets where they are supposed to be.  The city addressed this by placing highly visible bike lanes in areas that proved to be problematic.  On top of this there were also buffer zones set up at stop lights that would separate cars from bikes.  I fully support these changes and was happy to see a safer place for those who chose a “green” mode of transportation.

     Having said this I have one very simple question for the bike riders here.  Why in the hell must I continue to dodge you assholes on the sidewalk?  Here is an excerpt from Oregon Bike Manual published by Oregon DMV.

Riding on sidewalks

In general, you shouldn’t ride a bicycle on sidewalks. Many crashes between bikes and cars occur on sidewalks, especially when bicyclists ride against the flow of car traffic.

     Whenever I hear some rider behind me on the sidewalk asking to get by I now make a point of staying in their way as long as possible. 

Sincerely,
Pdxurbanoutdoorsman

     I look forward to Sunday nights for one simple reason, ZooBomb.  I’m sure you may be asking yourself just what the hell is ZooBomb.  While I could probably explain your questions would be better answered with this video.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4AHjCkXTqE]

     I must admit I enjoy it for that same reason many NASCAR fans enjoy stock car racing.  We want to see a good wreck which I did get to see last weekend.  Unfortunately now that I have seen it I want more.  Maybe a good ten bike pile up.  Yeah, that should do the trick.

     If this bloodlust means I am a bad person I can live with this just fine.

     Sincerely,
     Pdxurbanoutdoorsman

     Those who have read my blog know my thoughts regarding panhandling and those engaged in this activity.  There are two people here in Portland who are dealing with this issue by trying to educate the public.

     I can repeat what I have said in a different way but I suggest listening to and reading what Marv & Cathy have to say on the subject. 

Dangerous Compassion | KATU.com

RestoringTomorrows™

Sincerely,
PdxUrbanOutdoorsman

     So I’m walking down the street minding my own business when I see them, the herd.  Herds are a group of people who for one reason or another feel the need to occupy the entire sidewalk from the curb to building.  Generally these groups will see somebody coming and easily make way but not always.  Every now and again you may have to ask to get by which is no trouble.  Then there are the ones like I met this morning.  

First I say ”excuse me”.
Then I say “pardon me” a little louder.
Finally I say “Get The F*** Out of My Damn WAY!”

For this I am told I’m inconsiderate among other things.  Am I wrong for getting bothered by these people?  If so I can live with that.

Sincerely,
Pdxurbanoutdoorsman